All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
