Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Randomize
