My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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