Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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