The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
