this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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