I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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