I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Is her dick bigger than yours?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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