your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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