I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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