Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
