I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
