guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
