Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
