I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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