there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
