dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
