ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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