in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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