they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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