And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
