if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
