no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
