so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
