Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize