i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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