He is like the real live version of the state fair..
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
