I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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