I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
