When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
