for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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