I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
