I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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