i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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