Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
what day is it and did you see me today?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Randomize
