I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
