guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Randomize