Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
