Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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