Capitaan dildo arrescate!
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
