my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
