I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
