and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
