i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
