The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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