That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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