If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
