You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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