I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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