i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
