even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
