textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
there was a trapeze. enough said
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
