i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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