I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
