I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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