I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
