im drinking this country out of the recession.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
