remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
