I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I stole a fireplace last night.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
