The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
