apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
