So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize