shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm at about main and main street
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
