so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
