A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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