This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Is this like a preordered booty call?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
