I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She's the barista slut.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
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