At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
this beer tastes like vomit already
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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