am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
