it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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