my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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