Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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