garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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