He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
