Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
