dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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