fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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