this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
